It’s a particularly important election, but the question weighing on my mind is whether or not muggers accept Diner’s Club International. Not that I don’t care. I fully intend to vote, but I’m probably just going to hide in my room under a blanket until the results are announced.
My friend was telling me a story about how he was mugged in a dark alley, and while I was listening I couldn’t help but wonder: do muggers still accept Diner’s Club cards?
To me, they still seem a figment of the past, where Ozzy and Harriet, after a disastrous Christmas dinner (oh, what a blast!) take their two sons to the local Mom and Pop for a quiet dinner, because, “Sons, it’s not the food that’s important, it’s that we’re all together.” And while Harriet cuts Ozzy’s steak to fork it gently into mouth, he tenderly hands the cute-as-a-button waitress his Diner’s Club card. Ironically, my imagination places the card at a diner.
I do believe that the cards now have the MasterCard stamp on them, but if I were a mugger I might shank someone if that was the only card they produced. In my mind, the local news would come on, and after talking about the voting lines and Facebook profiles, they’d turn to the local news. “Sadly enough, not everyone can be as lucky as these young first time voters…” as they segued into the unfortunate homicide of the 110 year old man found in an alley behind the Mission Valley Denny’s.
In this tough economy, I find it hard to believe that anyone born after 1976 would take a diner's club card to steal. I myself might see it was one of those Barbie toy cards, those cards that teach girls from a young age that debt is super cool and fabulous. And a lesson I learned quite well, if I may boast.
Personally, I think that it is one card that it's about time to get rid of. As you can see, it only leads to confrontations with supercentenarians, which no one wants to hear about. So let's save our old people: stop getting Diner's Club cards.
